Goodbye, stupid guy.

I’m Alice. When I first met Leonard, he was 13 years old and I was 11. Now I’m 20 and he… Well, now he is dead. Okay, I’ll explain…

Eight years ago I went to the same school of Leonard. We were so shy and so similar in a lot of aspects. One day, one of our friends introduced us and since this day we started a strong friendship. He was my best friend and for some time Leonard was in love with me. But he was moved on to another neighborhood and only in this time I noticed that I also loved him. Maybe more than he loved me. But now it doesn’t matter. Proceeding… For some months we were in love, but we’re so similar and two similar pieces of a puzzle don’t fit together, do they? I really don’t know, but with us it was this way. So many fights, so much jealousy, so many lies and “the perfect date” was destroyed. After the worst fight, we didn’t see each other anymore. When we stopped talking one to another, I was 14 and he was 16. I saw him in a café two years ago and Leonard was really different from how I had imagined. Leonard was fine, with a big book and a cup of coffee on the table and reading a journal. It was so strange. I saw the one who used to be my best friend and who, at that moment, was a person like any other, a strange. Obviously I didn’t go talk to him, I only observed. And suddenly I started crying. Yeah, I know I’m crazy, but I couldn’t control my emotions at that moment. He was the most important person in my life and at that moment he was a strange! I put my face between my hands and laughed eccentrically. When I looked again, Leonard wasn’t there. After that day I have never seen him again… Until now. But now he’s dead. Now, he won’t listen to my apologies and he won’t ask me for apologies. No one killed Leonard. He killed himself. Yeah, I know, he is an idiot, but ok. When his girlfriend found him dead in his apartment, she found two letters and a note with him. One letter was to his family, the other letter was to me and the note was to her. It was to Katherine, his girlfriend, and it was written: “I’m so sorry, but I’ve never loved you. Goodbye, angel”. And after reading this note, she disappeared. For you to have an idea, she isn’t here now, in the Leonard’s funeral. But I don’t care. I really prefer this way. She is a bitch and she only dated him because of his money. Yes, he was rich. Ok, not rich, but he had a lot of money.

When her mom sent me the letter, I couldn’t believe. I believed he didn’t care about me, he said it to me once and I believed. I believed in all of the words that Leonard said to me, but “I love you”. But after I had read the letter, something changed. In the letter he wrote:

“Dear Alice, my dear Alice. How are you, baby? I know, I know I’m an idiot, a stupid boy and I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for all the words that I said to hurt you. I’ve never forgotten you. When you saw me two years ago in the café, I saw you too and oh, I really wanted to go talk to you, but I don’t know… Do you know how I am, right? So confused, and at that moment I was more confused about everything. Now I’m probably dead and it’s a little macabre, but, to you, I’ll explain. Will you understand me, won’t you? I hope so. My life was boring, empty. It was only me, my books, my money and a big needless house. I’ve never loved Katherine. NEVER. And I know what you’re thinking now. ‘She used to be with you only because of your money’. Am I right? I know I am. I know you better than you know yourself. But continuing… I’m so arrogant to go after you and beg for apologies and I was tired because our love story had never gone on. I’m so gay. I regret for having never kissed you, for having never been a good supposed boyfriend and sometimes a bad best friend, too. But now these things don’t matter. The most important thing in this letter is: I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU. Now it is not important and I can’t change anything, but I want to let you know. Since I was 13 I’ve never stopped thinking about you. I’ve never forgiven myself for all the things. I hope you are either a famous designer, or an artist, or a writer. You have talent, girl! Don’t care about me. I’ll be fine hugging the Death like she is the only way out.

Burn the pictures. Take out all things that will make you remember me. Don’t be sad and don’t cry, please.

With love to my unique love,

Leonard.”

It was impossible not to cry. The letter was not fantastic, but the memories with the words made me cry. I didn’t burn all things that remembered him. Now, in the funeral, I’m putting those things with Leonard to go with him to underground.

I always thought about “the perfect love story” and someone always dies in the end, but I never thought that my love story would be like I imagined. Yeah, I’m crying now, but everything ends right here and right now. All the pain, all the sorrow, the chains that bound me to him were buried with Leonard. I’m a little sad, but it will pass. Finally I’m really free. I loved him, but he was so idiot. Thanks God! I’m free!