Lion The Messenger

And "Lion" has gone...this time for good. To go live with dad, perhaps...

Lion - I will never forget our talks and how you came into our lives. You accomplished your mission by helping me understand my father's message. But, before I describe your "goodbye", let me describe your "hello":

It was May 2013 when this very beautiful cat, much like our house cat "Sabine", started to visit our house. At first, we thought it was just any cat occasionally dropping by but the visits became more frequent and this new cat became part of our daily routine. Every morning we would await this cat Mimi nicknamed Lion, for he's resemblance with he's more regal feline cousin. Even "Sabine" would sit by the kitchen window, for hours, waiting for her new friend. Lion would arrive, greet us with a "meow" and he would just roll around the pavement on the backyard. When Mimi started feeding him, he became a permanent fixture, as if he'd been around for the longest time. He became a member of the family though never having set "paws" inside our house. Every morning, I would get up knowing he would be outside waiting for food but, whenever I opened the back door, he would dash away to hide in the neighbor's bushes only coming back when I closed the door.

On day, at last, we developed some sort of friendship. Lion would come closer, we got closer but, always the suspicious cat, whenever I left the back door open while having a meal after work, he'd would pop in, say hello, and leave. When winter set in, we started to worry about Lion. During one of our daily "talks", I told Lion I would leave the door open and that he would be welcome in the house but soon I would not be able to do that anymore due to the snow and cold weather here in Chicago. Before I walked away, I placed a cardboard box, lined with a quilt, down by the cat. It was the same quilt Bridget used to photograph the beds dad built at Barracao.

For two nights Lion slept in that box. I'd get up in the middle of the night to check on it, if he was really asleep or looking at the critters outside, specially, the raccoons: the sun-glass wearing creatures that sleep during the day and are active at night. From the kitchen door, I too would look at the raccoons foraging for food while Lion stayed in bed, still aware of the potential threat. When morning came, Lion would be awake, waiting for me…and food.

One day, albeit dubiously, Lion walked in and I closed the door. Oh, the betrayal! How many times must he have been betrayed in he's lifetime by other people and circumstances. Lion was sad in spite of my love. I felt sad too..I was only trying to protect him from the harshness of winter as he would have been tough for him, exposed to the elements and without shelter. Cats hate the cold! I left Lion in the kitchen and closed the doors. "Sabine" was very territorial and I also did not want to expose her to a street cat, almost wild, before taking Lion to a veterinarian first.

A very shaken Lion found a spot in the cellar, under some of Mimi's painting's where he would sleep. Whenever I'd go check on it, I'd find him at the same place, almost motionless. He would look, full of sadness, straight into my eyes as if saying " You betrayed me. You gave me food, you gave me love and I fell into your trap". It was not my intention, Lion. I only wished to protect you from the cold and look after your health.

In light of the approaching winter, Mimi and I decided to keep him inside for good. Lion still looked sad, hurt at this perceived deception. "We never meant to hurt you, Lion ...all Mimi and I want is to keep you safe from harm. We do not want you to feel like a prisoner but, if you are really unhappy here, we will let you go back to the outside world. Let us, at least, take you to the vet first to make sure you are ok". I bid farewell to Lion and went to work

Mimi took the cat to the vet for a check up and we learned he had two broken teeth and a tumour on his neck. It was a male cat, two or three years old and had been neutered. The vet would call later with results of the blood work and stool sample. On my way home from work I though of Lion and my dad. I ask Mimi about her day and she told me Lion was on the first step down to the cellar, where dad used to live..He loved cats. But Lion was still filled with immense sadness and regret for trusting this hairy guy who gave him food and love and that sentiment rubbed off on Mimi and me. We were devastated. I felt betrayed by my own words and actions, disgusted at myself..After all, how could I blame him for its mistrust when in the wilderness of our own Human world, we find it hard to trust one another? In sharing those feelings, Lion and me became one.

Upon arriving home from work, I found Mimi laying on the sofa with "Sabine" behind her atop the backrest:her favorite spot. I could sense something bad was about to happen when Mimi delivered the news that Lion had FIV (Feline Immunodeficiency Virus), the equivalent to AIDS but for cats, an incurable disease. Mimi, whose face could not hide the tracks of earlier tears, started crying..and so did I. FIV is a contagious disease. Lion's presence in the house could pose a danger to "Sabine". How could we give him shelter and make him comfortable, at least, for the winter? The next day Mimi took Lion back to the vet for another round of tests to confirm the diagnosis. Lion had already conquered our hearts which were full of hope. As eerie a coincidence as it may seem, my father was also very sick at the time. Was there a connection? My dad, staring death in the face, and Lion coming into our lives..I knew I was about to lose one of them, but could not bear the thought of losing both. I had faith that lion could not be sick.

After dinner that night I went down to the cellar to spend some time with Lion. He was resting on a small table my father had built back at Barracao. There was a trunk by the table where my father kept clothes and other personal effects. I grabbed my laptop and started writing about Lion, As I feverishly typed, facing he fireplace my father so adored, I could feel Lion's gaze from a distance. he then got up and got closer to me and that was a good sign as he would not eat or drink ever since he became our "prisoner". He had a little drink, a little food, then slowly walked to where my father used to sleep. I kept on typing and felt Lion climb up and sit on my lap where he stayed for two hours! What a joy! What a relief! Maybe, in his eyes, I was no longer the bastard who deprived him from his freedom. Lion also seemed relieved.."maybe this hairy dude just really wants to help me..and that's ok". I snapped a couple of pictures with my phone and sent them to Mimi up in the living room. This time, her tears were bittersweet for just as Lion was settling in, she knew he had to go. Lion, I said, "you came into my life for a reason. Everything in life has a time and a purpose".

My father, who lived in that same cellar for a few years, worked hard all his life and was a strong man, was very ill, weak and bed ridden. He loved cats and had one of his own named "Tchacho", who reminded me of Lion and, eventually, became our cat as well. Dad, Uncle Pinga, Grandpa Manuel, Grandma Conceicao, Uncle Beto, Mom… they all had great affinity with animals liked to talk to them and seemed to understand them really well. I could not help but believe Lion had a purpose, a mission: to offer me comfort on the impeding passing of my father to another life. I was heartbroken and overtaken by incredible sadness. Lion and dad...both ending their journey in this world.

In this corner of the cellar, my father and I would talk about life, future plans, Mimi, the boys. My dad loved them, worked at Barracao, making frames, furniture and so many other projects we worked on together. He loved to just sit around, shooting the breeze, reading his books, playing the guitar or the harmonica. He was a great musician though a very timid one. How I loved to come home from work to hear the lovely guitar cords or harmonica melodies coming up from the cellar. Sounds telling the stories of the many roads he had traveled.

Dad and Lion: two beings embodying qualities of the mightiest of all cats..One emanating his beauty; the other oozing his strength. Dad was so strong and healthy and all he ever lacked, perhaps was stability: emotional maybe even geographical: the man just would not settle down! And home must have Lion's previously life been like? Did he ever had a home? What was he like living in the cruel harshness of the streets constantly fighting for survival? I knew my dad's life story only too well but it had only been now six months since Lion came into our lives. I had to solve this mystery: the significance of the crossing of our paths and this overwhelming message of love.

I woke up up very early, before the my iPhone 5s's alarm could beat me to it...What an incredible device! Hail! Hail, Steve Jobs, the greatest mind of the 20th Century! After a shower and some strong coffee, I fed "Sabine", "Roger" and made may way to the cellar to feed Lion. He was hidden atop the same coffee table, almost camouflaged by clothes hanging from a rack behind it. There are so many comfortable places in that cellar but that's he's spot and only Mimi and I know where to find him. The cat had perked up a little and felt more comfortable around me. He's as if it hugged me and bid me good morning. He had a bit to eat (it only eats when I am nearby) then returned to his hiding place. I had to go, it was raining and I was late for work..I knew he would not eat again...

Monday, October 21st, 2013 - I was driving home from work and, after joining the expressway, some guy let his hand loose on the horn thinking I had done so carelessly. I had seen his car, I knew he was coming, I knew he was at a safe distance and I jumped on into the left lane. The guy flicked me off, telling me to go fuck myself. I said I was sorry and gave him the peace sign. The guy then switched lanes, we drove side by side..he slowed down, lowered his window and apologized for giving me finger. He said he was sorry...then he drove away..We, Human Beings, can't always put our emotions in check....We need all need to do more of that..check ourselves, control our emotions for anger consumes time...and time is life.

Lion, “The Cat”

I spent the day at work quietly, thoughts of Lion populating my mind, as I waited for the blood work results that would confirm the FIV diagnosis. I was optimistic the cat would be ok and the results would come back negative. As time went by, the lack of news from Mimi seems to confirm my hopes that Lion did not have FIV after all. At around 5PM, as I was leaving work, I received the long awaited call from Mimi: Lion was safe! I cheered and jumped as if celebrating a soccer goal by my beloved “Furacao” or the Brazilian National Team (when they were any good…), scored on the 90th minute pf play time. More than happy, I felt victorious, vindicated! Lion would now be able to stay with us, Mimi, “Roger” and “Sabine”, his new family forever.

Lion remained living in the cellar, close to the pantry, on the same coffee table, at the same hiding spot but, slowly but surely, we saw improvements in his confidence and trust in us. I could not help but wonder the traumas he must have endured living on the streets or even at the hands of cruel previous owners. He was always leery, on edge, attentive to his surroundings. His guard was always up. But behind the tough cat mask, need for survival in the outside world, Lion was a very loving cat. Soon it was well used to me and Mimi.

I would go to the cellar to “chat” with Lion. Nothing like a “chat with the cat” to clear the mind from the woes of the work day or unburden the heart..the same chats dad and I used to have. Lion seemed to “get me”, as if he's life experiences had been very much like my own. It may be hard for some to understand Lion’s story and may even find me crazy for talking to the cat or even writing about it. But I see many parallels to our lives.

My Dad passed away in March of 2014. He left us to start his new life, as he used to say. He lived in our house’s cellar every summer (he hated the winter) for ten years. As I mentioned before, he had tremendous affinity with animals, specially, cats. Before he died back in Birigui, his feeble hands held mine for one last time and he told me: “My son, I beg of you with the gentleness of a kitten: be a lion for this family; a loving and respectful lion..Take better care of your angel cat (Mimi), be more mindful of her, care more, love her more. Go easy on the partying..it is time for you to live like a cat, at home, watching over the family. I admire your zest for life but it is time to settle down and live for your cat and kittens (my kids) who I love more than life itself. Live by and for them. My time on this Earth is almost over, but your journey goes on…

"Today it was Lion’s turn. I cannot explain what happened..He seemed happy and healthy. After putting out food for other cats still living in the streets, Lion and “Sabine” followed me to the kitchen. Lion stood like a human, awaiting his food. Suddenly, the cat seemed to drop flat on the floor, losing all movement on his limbs and I noticed something had gone terribly wrong. It acknowledged a gentle caress but he did not move nor did he touch its food. I called Mimi, who was in California visiting our son Jon, and I took Lion to the vet straight away. Lion had suffered an un-survivable stroke. I brought my dear friend home and he stayed by my side, in my bed, feeling my embrace, whimpering softly the shallow breaths of a life nearly gone..until he was gone.

Everything in life happens for a reason, there is always a meaning we struggle to grasp. I understood Lion’s message as I did my father’s and in doing so I rediscovered myself, striving to become a better man. I heeded my father’s advice and cut down on the drinking (allowing for the occasional drunken binge!), started to spend more time with my family at home taking in the world, like Lion from the picture window. As my father used to say “cats love windows”.

Lion was more than just a stray cat. Like my father, he showered us with love and affection and, above all, an overwhelming sense of peace and tranquility. Always the true friend, it was a lover of Mimi’s art and a source of inspiration. I promised my dad, and Lion, to forever tell their stories and so I will.

We’ll always love you, Lion.

"R.I.P Lion” - Chicago 02/21/2015

(TO BE CONTINUED)

Translation by my great friend Andre Ramos.

(Andre Ramos is a wonderful musician, guitar player, percussionist, and song writer )