How much time is left

When I was a child I thought that the world was a fun place, but as I grew up I saw how the world really works, what is its true face, I started working early, I saw that nothing was going to be easy, in my adolescence I already knew that this life my life was going to be bad, I discovered very early that I was an ugly boy, Yes I found out in class, when I asked a girl on a date, she looked at my face and got an expression of disgust, from then on I found out that I was not pretty, so I never asked anyone on a date again, my family was poor, my parents took iron, plastics and recyclable materials to sell at the junkyard, We got little money in the week, we could barely buy food imagine paying the bills, when they went out to get materials, me and my brothers had to go together, so we wouldn't be alone at home, so we worked with them since we were children, at school when there were outings I never went, because it wasn't free I had to pay, I didn't have money, so I never went on a school trip, I also didn't finish high school, I think I have ADHD but I never went to the doctor to really know, but at the time they didn't even talk about it and other learning disorders, I think I have a deficit of foresight too, math was the terror, To this day I don't know how to do simple calculations, now I'm an adult and I've never worked with a formal contract, I work as a bricklayer's assistant, a very hard and difficult job, I earn very little, my life sucks, sometimes I think about ending everything, but then I remember, I don't have a run I'm a failure in life, I don't think God ever looked at me, I don't exist for him

P.S = Está em ingles só pra ficar mais bonito,sim essa é minha historia